I always said I would never have an abortion.
I always said I would never have an abortion. This year I had two. I’m 21 and in college, my boyfriend and I were not ready to have a baby. I want to be a mother more than anything. I feel it is my purpose in life. I always said if it ever happened I would keep my baby no matter what. When faced with the decision I knew it wasn’t right for me to bring my baby into life like this and my partner was scared. So I went through with an abortion, the first one was painful but I wasn’t far along and I managed to get through it. I said I couldn’t handle that happening ever again and that I would have to keep my baby if we had another accident. Months later it happened again. I was in denial and refused to take a test for two weeks. I was far along enough to have morning sickness and food cravings and I felt the life inside me. I was devastated when I took the test. I became mean and nasty to my partner and blamed him for my pain. I didn’t want to do the abortion. I wanted so badly for him to tell me we could do this and he’d support me through raising the baby. But he didn’t. I knew he wanted kids badly but I knew that our relationship wasn’t strong enough and we weren’t financially ready. So I did it. It broke my heart. I hate myself for it everyday. I felt forced to do it by my life circumstances. I wanted to keep her.