I wish I never did it.
I wish I never did it. As woman, I feel as a lot of us have dreams of becoming a mother one day. I always knew how badly I wanted to become a mother and felt like that would give me so much purpose in life. Anytime I was around kids it brought me so much joy & peace. I found out I was pregnant, I’m in my early 20s. I was in shock, emotional, scared, and confused. I knew I wanted to be a mother so badly but I didn’t have the best relationship with who would’ve been the father. I bawled my eyes out, he automatically told me he didn’t want me to keep the baby. The very few weeks I was pregnant he treated me so badly, lacked empathy & emotional support. I was so drained. At the end of the day I knew that the decision was ultimately mine, but I often thought of how selfish I would be to bring a baby into this world knowing that the father didn’t want it. I thought that he would hold some type of hatred towards me for having it. I ended up getting an abortion, it’s been two months now. The only thing I can say is everything I was scared of happening is still kind of happening in a way. Instead of him holding hatred towards me, I now hold hatred towards him. I also still feel selfish for getting the abortion because I don’t think I made the right decision. It’s been two months and some days I’m fine but some days I break down and cry. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster and I guess I just failed to realize how much this really does impact a woman, mentally, physically, and emotionally. I don’t think this is anything I will ever truly recover from. I like to think everything happens for a reason and one day we will meet again.